Obituary of Bernadine M. Smith

Bernadine Marie Smith (Bernie)

Born in the fire of a World at War. Forged in crucibles of poverty and dust. Robbed of a childhood by hard work and bad luck.

Bernadine Marie Smith had every reason to quit. Every reason to distance herself from others and to place blame and provide excuses as to why life was too hard or not fair. Instead old BMS chose a different path.

The urn carrying Bernie’s earthly remains is marked with the signposts of her life. Each figure denotes a belief, a practice, a choice that defined who she was by what she did.

The Valentines heart bears the names of Jack & Bernie. A marriage commitment made on Valentines Day and carried through until death do us part.

A comb and a scissors. The tools of a beautician creating beauty and style while providing a listening ear, a caring heart and a patient understanding for those she served.

A dollar bill earned with long hours of hard work. Divided into envelopes to insure enough resources to provide for needs and spread some joy. From ages 1 to 21 every niece and nephew, regardless of location from Kansas to Korea, received a card and a dollar from Aunt Bernie to remind them that someone in the world remembered their day.

A frog. I am not sure why but my sister loved frogs. They adorned her home, her shop, her yard and her coffee table. I doubt she had a lot of experience with frogs growing up on the dusty plains of Kansas. More likely it would have been salamanders. She definitely loved frogs. Perfection was a frog masquerading as a salt and pepper shaker.

The thing nearest and dearest to Bernie’s heart was her family. Their pictures adorned every available space in her room. When it came to family there was no demand too great to deny. No transgression too large to forgive. No life event too petty to celebrate, to take a picture of or to place in countless photo albums. Mother, Father, Husband, Brother, Sister, In Law, Out Law, Step Child, Grandchild, Niece or Nephew. You got the best old BMS had to give. She could cuss, discuss, cajole, laugh, cry, listen, advise and love. In her spare time she would remind you that the sun would come up tomorrow.

A Crucifix adorns the front of the urn as a reminder that Bernie’s faith did not take a traditional path. As a child she was immersed in the tenants and practice of her faith. She received her sacraments and said her prayers. Life, choice and chance took her life in different directions. As her life progressed she felt drawn back to the lessons of her youth. She found comfort in her renewed exposure to faith and prayer. My wife and I were fortunate to be able to share some of those days with her. It was amazing to watch as prayers learned at 8 came back at 82 to provide comfort and support.

Many years ago I wrote a eulogy for Bernie’s husband Jack. In that eulogy I surmised that Bernie’s ( Kitty) stood by Jack’s (Matt Dillon) through some pretty interesting, rewarding and challenging times. Just like Miss Kitty she was a no nonsense, self reliant, loving and giving person. She was honest to those needing to hear the truth. She was kind to those needing a hand. She was patient with those demanding more than she could provide but she would always try her best.

For the past two years Bernie’s life took a direction that was confusing, fearful, painful and frustrating. As the ravages of time and disease took their toll she would try her best to be the Bernie of old. As we would walk the halls going to lunch she took great pride in introducing her baby brother and advising the other residents about the good job he was doing taking care of his oldest sister. At the end of each visit she would extract a kiss and a hug and a promise to call when we got home. Then to the window after we left the room to wave and blow a kiss.

She would retire to her room where her family gallery of pictures provided her a safe and warm place as she tried to figure out that thing on the wall. Her TV set.

Bernie had a simple but profound impact with her words. When asked about how she felt or if she was in pain she would respond. At my age it is what it is and I just have to live with it. When she had trouble remembering information her response was simply: Guess we file that under the memory isn’t what it used to be. Thankfully old BMS never forgot her little brother. Bernie’s final words to her care staff were both prophetic and poignant. After being safely tucked back into bed she simply stated “I’m a little tired I think I would like to rest.

Go ahead and rest Sis. You earned it. We will give you a call when we get home. When you get time blow us a kiss.

Phil Barenberg (Little Brother) 2023

Memorial Services will be held at 11:00 am, Tuesday, September 12, 2023 at St. Peter Catholic Church, 55 Jefferson St, Monument, CO, with Rosary starting thirty minutes prior, from 10:30-11:00 am. Inurnment will follow in Evergreen Cemetery, Colorado Springs, CO.